Is nothing sacred?!!

Okay... I'm going to be blunt.  I don't think there is EVER a good time to become so comfortable with someone that it is OK cross the line of couth.  This opens so many doors that are meant to stay closed.  In the beginning it was sweet.  Protecting our lover from the embarrassing, albeit, NATURAL functions of our bodies.  Somewhere along the line we toss caution to the wind and test the limits of our love. 

I am being slightly hypocritical though because I am as much a culprit as a victim.  After nearly two decades of being married there is nothing sacred between my husband and myself.  I believe that this is the reason for the decline of our romance......  the kids may have a small part to play in that too. 

You know that you're either doomed or destined to be together when you lift your leg in the direction of your loved one and say "Sometimes you just gotta *Poot* blow it out your ass!!"  Or snuggling in bed and the poof of warm air emitting from their lower region and attaching itself to your leg or stomach goes unnoticed.  Par for the course, I suppose. 

Then we delve into the area of blemishes and unwanted body hair.  "Honey.. is this a pimple or what?"  Standing in front of the mirror tweezing your eyebrows while your spouse is cleaning their ears.  My favorite is the life or death conversation that HAS to take place while one or the other is (ahem) doing their business. 

What is it about love and marriage that brings us to be so OPEN about our bodies and their functions?  Isn't what we were hiding from them in the first place?  Like the big girl that only eats a salad on the first date knowing that she's going home to shove 4 candy bars in her mouth.   The infamous holding in of the gas until we are out of earshot of the other person (or smelling range).  That last one was my claim to fame.  I would be in so much pain because I suffer from lactose intolerance and ... well...  let's face it - gas is a part of me.  I remember with such clarity the moment that my then boyfriend / now husband said to me "Stop torturing yourself.  Let it out!!"  And so I have .. many, many times over.   God forbid I pass stinky gas in the presence of my husband.  He would have you believe that I performed the ultimate sin.   I am here to tell you that spinach dip is NOT his friend.....  So he is not without sin himself!!!
It almost always amazes me how much my children enjoy farting.  Playtime in my home sometimes goes like this:  Their father playfully grabbing them and holding them down while he farts on them.  They begin giggling until they can't stand up because they got farted on.  Their retaliation of ass blasting him until one or the other has an emergency evacuation of the bowels and needing a change of underwear.  When did all of this become FUN??  I often catch The Other One farting with her legs in the air so she can smell her own farts..........   (long pause for effect).  Unfortunately, what's done cannot be undone.  I am now raising a generation of kids that have no shame in farts, boogers or using the restroom!!  That is until they start dating and the circle of life comes FULL CIRCLE......