Trite Complaints......

So, I suppose that one reason that I started this blog was to vent about my frustration with raising a 'special' child.  Indeed special is a fitting term to describe her.  She's only nine but appears to be going on twenty-nine!!  
First, let me tell you that I DO love my child... although there are days that I question that myself.  I love both of my children.  I really, really, REALLY wanted to be a mom.  Now that I am....  I have this strange kinship with animals that eat their young!!!  
Most days are full of yelling in this house.  I dread getting up to face the day.  It all starts with waking the oldest for school.  This task usually consists of one or both of us yelling.  It is a constant battle between the two of us.  I just don't understand it. 
The other night she was arguing with her four-year-old sister and because the argument took a turn that she didn't like, hauled off and hit the little one.  I immediately asked her to go to bed and the response I got was "MAKE ME!!".  That was a WTF moment if I had ever had one. 
Today was no different than any other day....  insisting on wearing clothes that are not in the dress code policy, arguing that it is my fault that she has to wear clothes that she finds unflattering and don't forget the "I hate you's" and You are the worst mom ever!!".  It's enough to drive the sanest person BATSHIT CRAZY!!   I wonder if I should phone ahead my reservation at the local mental institution. 
So here I find myself dreading being around her.  Unable to forgive the bad behavior that has occurred over the last six or more years.   Becoming emotionally unavailable to her because I can't turn it on and off like she does.  It's the worst feeling ever!!! 
She is absolutely gorgeous (and I'm not just saying that because she's MY daughter - she truly is!!) and smart too! 
Over the years, I have had her in and out of therapy with the several conflicting conclusions.  I have the firm belief that she is bipolar and don't know where to begin getting her the help she so desperately needs.  I do know that living like this isn't living at all. 
God help me and her - because this can't go on!!