Getting back to GOOD!!

Just when I thought I'd made a breakthrough in the Other One's behavior I get brought back to square one with a phone call from the school.  Anytime the school calls me during the day its never good news.  They want to make me aware of some instance that required action on their part.  I think they will finally give up their plight to get me to feel sorry for them because after I listen to the complaint.... I sigh loudly and begin telling them of my day-to-day scenarios and by the end of the conversation the Guidance Counselor wants to slit his wrists. 
I am going to start a committee responsible for raising money to aid families with 'special needs' children.  I know they exist for handicapped or mentally challenged children but what of the ones that outwardly appear to be normal but are dealing with psychological disorders?  Although we haven't been able to diagnose 'The Other One' with any specific disorder ... I will tell you that I KNOW there is something wrong.  I have researched Bipolar Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Asberger's, Autism and ADHD.  She exhibits symptoms of ALL OF THEM!!!  So, back to the fund raising .....   I think that we need something in place for the parents/caregivers of these children.  I would have definitely benefited from having access to some kind of funding to aid in the evaluation process when we were living in Florida.  Then we come to the parents/caregivers needing a break from dealing with the insanity and babysitters and family members REFUSE to take that child because of their unruly behavior.   I, for one, would have been the first one signed up for that!!!  
Reluctantly, I have to admit that I am not a trained professional and there is only so much Google and webMD  can tell me.  So, here I am .... not-so-patiently awaiting her turn on the waiting list for an evaluation.  Until then..... well.......  I'm not sure what to do until then.  I openly admitted to school staff that my child has often had me contemplating suicide or abandonment!!  I bet this guy wishes he had never called me. 
In the end, I need to make sure that I am mentally stable or else all the walls will come crashing down on all of us.  Not to mention the stress that this much drama and arguing has put on my marriage.  I'm sure my husband is physically exhausted after working all day and then to come home to the constant controversy makes for an unlucky bedfellow!!  Ugh!!  
Did I mention that I do have a silly, happy-go-lucky, four-year-old that keeps me entertained and sometimes balances out the madness???   Yes.... The Little One....   she has a vocabulary all her own!!  Here are some examples:
"Mommy.....  ballerinas dance on their toenails NOT their tippie-toes!!"
"Daddy's side of the bed is 'body stink' and your (Mommy's) side is 'body fresh'."

And let us revisit the whole "AssGrow" incident!! 

Sweet balance....................   errr, at least until The Little One tries to emulate The Other One then the balance shifts and throws us all off course............... AGAIN!!

To be myself.... or NOT to be myself!!!

Ever since I began this adventure here in Canada...   things have never been dull.  I'd like to thank the oldest living -high school-student-that-loves-to-cause-drama-by-starting-gossip-and-rumors.....  Please take a bow Monster-in-law!!!!  

I've mentioned repeatedly that it is really hard getting acclimated to my new home.  Factor in the meddling monster-in-law, financial woes and children with behavioral problems and you have the makings of a Lifetime movie.  Or a therapist's dream!  (Please send anti-depressants)  Well, on one of my limited outings, I met a woman in the park who was very friendly.  We exchanged numbers and talked of meeting at the park again so that our kids could play together.  She never called and I could only assume that she found me offensive in some way.  I never attempted calling her neither because I am never sure how to go about it.  Who does the calling and will it be forward of me to call her first?  Oh well...  

Then I was introduced to my brother-in-law's girlfriend who is extremely sweet and friendly.  She offered to meet me for drinks or coffee any time.  I am still worried that I am invading territory that my brother-in-law would find offensive.  Is there a line that I shouldn't cross by interfering in his relationship by becoming friends with his girlfriend?  Is there a book on friendship etiquette that would explain all the rules? 

So, recently my daughter was invited to a birthday party for one of her friends.  The invitation came by way of a phone call.  To confirm the invitation I was put on the phone with the mother who was very polite.  She began giving me directions relatively fast so I had to slow her down and say that we were from FL and new to town.  She got very excited and told me that she had lived in Miami with her mother.  After exchanging pleasantries and discussing how we were getting along here she offered to take me horseback riding and various places when she gets her car.  

I don't want to read into this and get my hopes up.  It would be a good idea to make friends outside of the quaint little circle that is my husband's family so that they don't stand a chance by being infiltrated by the montster-in-law!!!   Given half a chance, I'm sure that she would just LOVE to dig her claws into some fresh meat. 

So, to my potential shiny new friend....  please don't be frightened by my loud voice, my sarcastic wit or my often times uncharming, unfeminine demeanor.  Last but not least, you will never be subjected to meeting the monster because I would NEVER wish that upon an enemy much less a new friend.   Please feel free to be you and don't be afraid of me being me......   

Dear Mom:

(I decided last night as I was trying to fall asleep that there are things that only my mother would have had answers to - or the only answers that I would want to hear anyway - so I am writing to her via my blog.)

So, today wasn't so bad being home with Jazmin all day.  She really is growing up too fast.  The other night she was on the phone (infinitely) and was answering on the first ring.  That was the first indication that she was up to no good.  Needless to say, she was talking to a boy and that freaked out her father more than me.  I know what it was like being a young girl with raging hormones.  My only hope is that I don't become a grandmother before my time!!  

In other news, I am still struggling to fit in here in Canada.  No such luck with being accepted by the family.  It makes me miss my dysfunctional family so much.  Hubby seems to think that his crazy family is far better than mine but I am starting to believe that it is only a matter of opinion.  Personally,  I like my redneck, backwoods, fun-loving, shit-talking family far more than the ones here that openly attack you and force their opinions on you.  Don't get me wrong, Mom.  There are some that have been gracious and loving.  I wouldn't want to lose them at all, but the others make it harder for me to adapt and quite frankly....  I'm tired of it. 

I've been dreaming again.....   I dream that you tell me that you're still alive.  I don't know what that means.  Other people that suffered a loss believe that they feel the person is with them.  I don't feel you.  I know that I miss you and cry openly just looking at your picture but I just don't feel your presence.  Jazmin wrote a letter to God the other day asking for one more chance to hug you.  It was touching.  She said that she misses telling secrets with you.  She even asked Him if He would allow her to come visit her "Grandma Georgie".   Kaylie doesn't know you but I know you loved her very much too.  I tell her that you called her "Grandma's little bully" and she giggles.   We all have had to grow up in your absence - some more than others. 

Well,  so much was taken for granted when you were here and now that you're not life seems to stand still but continue at the same time.  Does that make any sense?  I never knew how much a nearly forty-year-old woman would need her mommy like I need you.  I love you, Mommie!!!   xoxo