I own my mistakes.

Sometimes I wonder if my life is just a cruel joke being played on me by my Higher Power!!   I just can't imagine that ONE person is fated to live with this much drama in ONE lifetime!! 
I guess it is simpler to blame others for my poor choices, but here I am acknowledging my mistakes. 
My husband is an alcoholic....  Wow!!!  Saying that out loud sure relieves alot of anxiety.  My HUSBAND is an ALCOHOLIC!!  and when he drinks he turns into a very different person.  He becomes someone that doesn't care for anyone else.  It is all about him and that is all that matters.  He tends to stumble through it all by dismissing his actions when he's drunk by saying he doesn't remember any of it.  Ha, ha, ha....  "I didn't know I slept with that woman.... I WAS DRUNK!!" 
I stuck by him throughout his alcoholism and drug addiction.  I put him before my children.  I have given more of myself than I had to give.  What do I receive in return, you ask?  "If you don't like it.... that's too effin' bad!" 
Honestly...  If I were my friend, I would have told me to leave and never look back.  I have offered my own friends that advice.  For some stupid reason I can't do it for myself.
All this bad behavior has had its affects on my children as well.  My oldest treats me like shit under her shoe at nine-years-old because that is how she sees her father treating me. 
I moved to a foreign country in the hopes that I could scrape my family back together.  It would seem that the only thing I did was deplete any means of being able to support myself and handing over full control to a raging alcoholic.  Now, I'm stuck in this stupid place, with a stupid drunk and a mother-in-law that lives to make my life miserable. 
The immigration process has stalled my ability to earn money.  I am at the mercy of this controlling, power-hungry, alcoholic that could care less about me or my feelings. 
When my mom was dying, she called to my husband and asked that he watch over her girls.  She knew that by asking him this it was a gamble.  Making this request of a man that continuously kicked myself and our daughter out of his home so that he could embark on a drug induced orgy. 
What was I thinking by coming here?  I could have done much better on welfare in the state of Florida than to be abused like this. 
They say that God only puts on you what you can handle.  I hope that He hasn't forgotten about me and gone to watch a game somewhere. 
Until I am capable of standing on my own two feet.... I'll be "trapped" in Canada.